1 Year To Live

Yesterday I was on the phone with a friend I have had for the past seven years. He is an older gentleman, which was summoned by his Doctor for an appointment. They told him they had a few tests they wanted to run regarding his heart condition. My friend has a condition where his heart has spasms, which are very painful. When this condition first started five years ago, it took many doctors at many different hospitals to figure out exactly what was happening. When he was first diagnosed, they shared that the condition was not life threatening. They had a few life changes they wanted him to implement and that is all they communicated. Basic things like improving your diet, quit smoking, exercising, etc. Really they wanted him to make a life style change, which we all do time to time. Long story short he failed to make many of the suggested changes and co-existed with his condition with the help of medication.

When my friend arrived at the Doctor’s office they did a blood test and told him that the Doctor would be with him shortly. As the Doctor entered the room he got down to business and shared that my friend has a year to three years to live. Of course he must stop smoking to reach the three-year life expectancy milestone. They shared that every time he had a heart spasm it basically ate away the walls of his heart. Currently the walls of his heart are very thin and the spasms will turn into a heart attack, it is basically a matter of time. With the heart being so fragile it very well could explode once a heart attack starts for lack of a better term that the laymen man or woman could understand.

My friend asked the questions you would expect. Of course the first question was are you sure? If I make the needed changes in my life could we sidestep this from happening all together? Can the walls of my heart recover? Is there a surgery available to fix the situation? All the while he kept waiting for the doctor to make a suggestion where the diagnoses could be avoided. Instead the Doctor made him fill out a living will right then and there in the Doctors office. This Will has nothing to do with his earthly possessions; this living will covers his treatment options like when they should try to save his life and when they should let him die. Options like living on life support and decisions regarding resuscitation. This is when the reality and the levity of the situation became evident.

When he broke the news on the phone yesterday it was one of my worst thoughts coming to fruition. I knew his lifestyle coupled with his age made him a perfect candidate for heart failure. I am sure he heard the concern in my voice however I was looking for a positive while digging in a preverbal pile of shit. The one positive is he does have time to get his affairs in order. Within days of the news he did start liquidating his life. The Corvette was up for sale, he sold his truck to his oldest son, and he had a lead on someone purchasing his Harley etc. I asked if he had life insurance and he confirmed however the amount I do not know. The conversation was awkward and rightfully stressed. I told him that I loved him and that I would be coming over to visit after my business trip which ends this coming Friday.

I do have one frustration I will share. Is the following my selfishness? I am not sure. During our call I asked if he was going to stop smoking so he could live as long as possible. He danced around the question. He said he did cut down to a half pack from two packs a day. He said he wanted to enjoy the time he had left. He did not want to live the remainder of his days trying to kick a habit. The time he had left is a range of one year to three years. It seems he is happy with living one more year. Or at least it seems he has accepted this timetable. However he very well could be in shock and could snap out of this malaise. I would be in shock and he is handling this news very well. I was impressed with his calmness in communicating the news. On the phone it became obvious he was worried about how I was receiving the news. While staring into the face of death he still had other peoples feelings in mind. He is a great friend and a friend I do not want to lose.

The problem I see is the state of his affairs; he has a ten-year-old son and a wife that is 31. His wife stays at home and takes care of their house and son. She does not have an education or skills that can create revenue for the household. To be direct she is intimidated of the thought of working, communicating on a professional level is challenging. They have a large amount of equity in a home that is in the most desirable area of town. He owns his own company and has made a good living. However he does not have large amounts of money stashed away, especially with the current stock market. I know from other conversations his 401K lost about 30% of its value during the past 8 months. I know he made changes to stop the financial bleeding, like all of us his savings have been damaged. If he would make the life changes needed to live three years he could give his wife much more of a running start in establishing a life without her husband. She could obtain the skills needed to be a success in the workforce etc. They could work together on creating a plan, which should be put into action now not later.

This is my frustration. Should I have this conversation with him? I am traveling all of next week. Hopefully this is enough time for him to snap out of the shock he is rightfully in. He should be in shock and depressed however you do not die of depression and shock. You die because of the choices you make while you are depressed. In my friend’s case if he decides to smoke, he will die sooner than later. The subject of people dying has become a discussion point that has reared its ugly head too much in the past 60 days. I am tired of people not appreciating the life they have. I know I will talk to my friend and I will drive home how it is his responsibility to live as long a he can. Not for me, not for him, but for his son and wife.